New Arrivals

*knock knock*

Ilium: It's open!

Janus: Hey, did you know that there's a box for you outside your door?

Ilium: Yes, I know. I'm ignoring it.

Janus: ...Ignoring it?

Ilium: Look, every year for Valentine's Day my mom sends me something really embarrassing.

Janus: ...How embarrassing are we talking, here?

Ilium: Trust me, you don't want to get involved.

Janus: Come on, at least open the card.

Ilium: No way am I going to be a party to this.

Janus: I'll open it, then.

Ilium: Don't blame me when you're sorry later.

Janus: "Dear Ilium, Happy Valentine's Day! Love, Mom."

Ilium: Deceptively bland. She's trying to lure me into complacency.

Janus: Oh, it's not bad. I thought you and your Mom were really close.

Ilium: We are! It's just that on days like today I sorta wish we weren't.

Janus: Now for the box.

Ilium: Here it comes. St. Justicia give us strength to endure.

Janus: Shut it. Your Valentine's Day present is....!

Janus: ....Bright pink boxer shorts with hearts all over them.

Ilium: Mooooooooooooom! Ugh, God.

Janus: They're very fetching.

Ilium: My gun's over there. Can you shoot me with it? Please?

Janus: Nice comfy cotton.

Ilium: Seriously, can you even begin to picture me wearing these?

Janus: No. But if she bought them for you, your mom probably did.

Ilium: See that's what I mean don't say that!

Ilium: Just do me a favor and get rid of them.

Janus: Oh, all right. But it's the thought that counts, you know.

Ilium: I know. And it's the thought that I'd rather not think about.

*ringringring*

Ilium: Here it is, white lie time.

Ilium: Hi, mom! No, yeah, I got it. Yeah! They're great. Really cute.

Ilium: No, it's all right, I think they'll fit.... just.. fine.... um.

Ilium: Sorry mom can I call you back later thanks 'kay bye. *beep* JANUS.

Janus: I don't know about the 'fitting fine' bit, I think they're a little snug on me.

Ilium: Hmph! You're a real jerk, you know that?

Janus: What? You weren't going to use them.

Ilium: Yeah, well, they look better on you, anyway.

Janus: Now you're seeing reason. I forgot to mention, I came over to ask if you wanted to go out tonight.

Ilium: Actually... I think I'd rather stay in.

Janus: Hm! Smart boy.

Ilium: I suppose I have to thank my mom now, huh?

Janus: Well, maybe not right this very instant.

Ilium: Happy Valentine's Day, Janus.

Janus: ...And I daresay it's improving by the second.